?

time flies

2008-09-20T00:36:00.006+08:00

gosh. i just realised how different i am from the last time. darn. i used to stay up in till dawn just studying for 'O's. now, i don't even study for promos. what am i thinking?

I'M NUTS.

regrets

2008-09-20T00:36:00.003+08:00

woohoo. it's been more than a year since i last blogged. awesome-ness.
actually, there wasn't any intentions to start blogging again. but i just had a random inclination to blog. so today will be one of those VERY VERY rare few times where i actually blog.

gah. my english standard is deteriorating at the speed of light. could it because of who i mix around with thus causing me to speak more 'carefree-ly'? DARN. i couldn't even think of a proper word to substitute 'carefree-ly'. whatever in the world is 'carefree-LY'. bah. oh well. perhaps i ought to start writing more essays or writing in my diary to improve my english. it's really upsetting to know that i'm on a downhill ride. :O

anyway, dad, mom and wilson will be leaving in approximately 2 more days. sigh. it all seems so surreal. i just wish that they would bring me along. why in the world was i dumb enough to refuse daddy's offer to go to the US to study? let me list it out to see why i was naive enough to insist on staying back in singapore.

reasons for deciding to stay back in Sg then:

(at that point of time, this was what went through my mind. DARN.)

1) since i'm studying in a bloody jc now, i would most likely take my 'A' levels next year.

this means that it would be a TOTAL waste if i chose to give up my studies because i had already gone through almost one year of school work and i had about only one more to go. BAHHHH.

2) mainly because i would miss my friends and him.

i liked him then. so at that point of time, i was thinking of him almost 24/7. i always went online just to check if he was there. and! i was pretty close to my clique then. it was during the june holidays. all i did was 'study' with them. we went out. chilled. had fun. it was awesome. i really felt i belonged somewhere for once. as such, it was really hard for me to just let go of everything and leave.

i guess these are the 2 main reasons why i decided to stay. but the thing that made me frustrated the most was that, i remember telling myself i must not regret my decision in the future. i told myself that i had to be sure of what i want. almost daily, i kept pondering if staying because of relationship, be it friendship, etc. was worth it. i knew very certainly that i did not want to be in this state now. BUT once again, i failed myself.

sometimes i feel so worthless when i'm too indecisive. i guess as daddy says, i should just face up to reality. but reality really is too harsh. i'm just too weak. that's why i know i need God's help. i can't help feeling guilty when yiheng asked me a question that day during youth service. he asked me, " is it true that people are more holy when it's nearing exams?..." then, i didn't think i was trying to be hypocritical and seek God's help to help me when i've strayed so far away from Him already. gah. it didn't strike me then. but subsequently, the impact of his words slowly sunk in. he said that on the saturday before the exam week. on monday, when i had my GP and econs paper, i kept praying fervently. i kept asking for God's help. for His guidance etc. i was really desperate. i needed a miracle. nothing short of a miracle. sigh. but once again, after my paper, i feel into temptation. to minimize asking God for help and not putting all my faith and trust in Him. i ask myself then. what's the point of seeking God's help if i'm not willing to trust him entirely? the whole purpose is defeated.

oh well. then Jean's msn hit me again. God helps those who help themselves. i wonder if God's trying to tell me that whatever effort i had put in is whatever result that i'm gonna get. i can only hope not. i really need a miracle to promote. instead of telling people that i trust in God and let him take over my exams, i kept telling them i'm on the verge of retaining. that i may have no hope. i guess i really wanted human/physical sympathy. i just don't put God before myself. not believing entirely that He too has plans for me in heaven. has a greater purpose for me. BAH. it seems all too late to wallow in self-pity now. it's my own fault for wasting away my holidays. not putting in my 110%.

but this is besides the point. my main reason for creating this post was to vent my frustrations and to let everything out. writing is too long and takes up too much time. this is way faster. anyway, as i was saying, dad, mom and wilson are leaving on monday. i really wanna go with them. i truly regret not accepting his offer. i mean how many people actually get to go overseas to study? not many! darn.. daddy and mommy both agreed to look for a school for me once they've settled down there. i know it seems so good. but deep down in my heart i know it's not impossible but the possibility is pretty low. i keep adding to daddy's guilt and stress. and despite knowing that, i constantly reiterate these two words. "Bring me..." sigh. actually, if daddy never got this posting to the states, i think our whole family would never have the chance to travel halfway around the world at all! God is great. He does really create opportunities and wonders. now i really have to put everything in Him. ask Him to allow me to join daddy and the rest in Idaho. it may be a small city. but i don't mind. sigh. i'm really gonna miss them.

everyone keeps telling me, jokingly, that it would be nice to have a lot of freedom etc. but honestly, now, i would give up the chance to purchase the laptop and all the freedom just to go to the states with them. but i must first and foremost, and most importantly, pray really really hard and ask God to fulfil my wishes. but if it's not His plan for me to go, i must admit i'll be disappointed and not just a tad bit. it'll be a whole lot. but i'm sure then He'll have other plans installed. sighhhhh.

GOD, i really wish everything would be fine, that i could turn back the clock just once and agree to go with daddy. i really really wanna. sigh. GOD, i miss you. i've strayed so far away that when i'm in trouble, you're the first i think of anymore. now, even praying and worshipping you has become so limited. i don't even dare to jump to worship you anymore. i think i worry more about my image than in worshipping you. i know i'm guilty of all these. will you forgive me? i know i need you. and that life is gonna be really tough without you. in fact, i don't even know if i can go through each day with sanity without you. deep down in my heart, i know that i really yearn for you and when i'm really at my wits ends. you're there for me not matter what. sigh. i know i sound hypocritical, but i know you accept all my faults and i do do do LOVE you a whole lot. sigh. I MISS YOU. i wanna go back into your embrace where everything felt so much safer and warmer. GOD, draw me back to you again. teach me how to love like you have loved me once more. let me feel the innocence in worshipping you again. I TRULY NEED YOU IN MY LIFE.

GOD, please help me fill that void when they leave. i'll really miss them.

I MISS YOU DADDY,

I MISS YOU MOMMY,

I MISS YOU WILSON.

will you miss me too? i will join you! i will!

LOVE vera.

2007-04-24T23:09:00.000+08:00

dedicated to the 2 spoilt brats who sit beside me in class: namely HC and Kenneth

*though i must admit tt HC has no part to play in this, Kenneth has set him up indirectly. after all, ONE FOR ALL, ALL FOR ONE. rite Kenneth.

heyy. this is counted as one post. retards..

oakyy. this is like super lame n retarded and REDUNDANT. lol. (:

2007-04-15T01:56:00.001+08:00

erm erm erm. feelings: kinda happy. no idea why. jus felt happy. though i have to say tt in the morning tt wasn't the case. i wanna give up on the Sec 3 soon to be exco. haii. i feel so disappointed in them. den do they know how many ppl are trying not to give up on them? i can't help but to say it's not impossible to do so la. in fact it's almost impossible to not give up on them. BUT the main issue is tt they are giving up on themselves or perhaps they're starting to be very complacent. haii. i wish them all the best. hopefully they know what they're doing. and lastly if you seriously know tt your attitude stinks, don't bother crying and saying you're too stressed. do you know how stressed i'm getting because of you alone. it all boils down to RESPONSIBILITY la babe eesh.

2007-04-15T01:56:00.000+08:00

motivational talk was over like say 3 days ago? yupp. i shld tink so. quite interesting la. loved the closing ceremony. it's a pity mommy or daddy weren't there. overall. it was good yea? but after tt mayb i a bit slack still. haii. wonder when i'm finally gonna do up my life path to really know what i want to do in life. be a successful busness woman? HAH! i must belief in myself okayy? wateva. anyway. EXAMS are in at most 2 weeks time n i've got over 50 chapters to study among all the subjects. so scary. mid-year is so fast. i ought to more or less spend every waking hour studying in order to accomplish much. but i'm retarded so nope. i've only completed say 4 out of tt? haii. physics easier. i jus realised. i tot that chem was much easier. perhpas it's cos of the teacher? oh well. tt's probably excuses anyway. aiiya. i ought to ask ms lee to teach me many many stuff on mon. buck up vera!! jia you!! tmr i tink studying wit maine math ba. but never even confirm anything. aiiya. siann. scully not going again. crap only.. 2.02a.m now. so quiet. i studied only for a while den slack. i'm such a slacker. where's my determination n perserverance la? grr. hmm. i shall plan my whole wk from tis monday on.. errrrrrrrr. siann. forget it. i;m jus gonna go slp now. blah..

2007-04-09T22:11:00.000+08:00

oh my goooodddddnnnnnneeeeessssss. LOL! so drama-mama rite? hah. at least i like doing it. err. random? yupp. alrite. firstly! i would like to declare tt i'm so not sad or whatsoever in my previous posts la. serious.. i wonder why ppl thought that way..(goodness. ppl actually read my blog?) hahs. err. i ALMOST swear it's not emo or wat la. i'm jus airing my thoughts and tt is a nice form of relaxation if i may call it. weird huh? oh wells. what to do. secondly! aiiya. *smacks forehead* i still can't forget abt it. i'm sorry. many posts bout it alr but no details rite? who cares la. haha. hmm. i still think abt it. esp when i'm in ____ so it's pretty weird esp. err. but now not as bad alr. who knew tt time flew by so quickly and in a blink of an eye. wee~ time's jus gone. ehh. lemme think. it disturbs me somehow tt i can't get rid of it. but i doubt i wanna get rid of it either. <- notice why i've been unable to get rid of it? hahas. hmm. why do i keep punctuating my sentences with laughter. err. weird la i. wonder what's up wit me today.

let's finally start with TODAY! early morning. woke up by alarm clock. got up from bed. off my alarm clock. went to the toilet. washed my face. brushed my teeth. alrite alrite. jump str to when i reached sch which was only like 6.45. early can? wonder what time i'll arrive in sch when i finally step dwn from prefects. will i still arrive at the same time or what? nvm.. think abt it when i comes. did duty which is like patrolling the sec 1 area. annoying bloody freaking asses la. stupidity. just cos they're familiar with the school since they've been here for 4 months alr doesn't mean you guys can take over everything alrite? argghh.hmm. err. den patrol finish den sat dwn. national anthem. pledge. hymn singing led by stephanie w/o any music accompliment. cool seh~ ehh. HC are you ecstatic you heard her sing. s in original la. lol.. haha. hmm. jump jump. went MPR had motivational talk by the adam khoo grp. wahh.. hear all their experiences it was quite cool la. made me feel tt actually i'm quite lucky alr can. btw. I THINK THAT OPRAH WINFREY IS A SUPER COOL AND AMAZING WOMAN AND WE CAN ALL LEARN FROM HER FIGHTING SPIRIT!! LOL!!!!!!! but it's a fact la. can you imagine being born to a mother who's only 12 and abandons you? den you are adopted by some couple and your step-dad rapes you for like 12 years. den you make a change in your life and become one of the richest women in the WORLD!! it's amazing to be able to accomplish so much despite the environment that you're in. goodness la. from now on. i'm going to live my life mainly based on this

E + R = O
events + response = outcome

and the thing is that the events that you're in only affects like 10% of the whole outcome!! which means that 90% of the outcome is determined by your response. so like i WILL ensure that whatever response that i give is not something that i'll regret instead it'll be something tt benefits me and not the other party. so now i'm going to tell someone i like him. HAHAHA. you gotta be kidding. lol. alrite. tt was random again. errrr. i think the talk is super cool la. who knows. perhaps one day i'll be a motivational speaker too. haha. must have HIGH SELF-ESTEEM okay. haha. alrite. i feel that this post is getting more and more lame and random so i'd better get going. shall see what adam khoo, danny and candice have to say tmr. more laughter installed. (don't think of a blue elephant!<-immediately a blue elephant pops into your head!) haha. =))

love ya BABE. =)) smiles. alrite. i don't love ya. LA haha. see. i told you i feel super random todayy.

2007-04-04T22:04:00.000+08:00

i cross my fingers everyday. thinking about it constantly. whoops. i can't forget abt it. hahas. dy you're so disappointed in me aren't you? lol.. i'm superrrr sorry bout it. heh. heyy! but i don't think about it ask often alr though. lol..like maybe only how many times a day? a few times only. unlike tt time i always think abt it. den smile to myself rite?! haha. i'm so retarded..=) unfortunately i can't do what i used to do alr. because it's all different alr. ahh.. saddd.. nvm. i won't go b super retard n make myself paiseh or wat la. cos i'm so gonna learn from whoever PATIENCE and DETERMINATION. LOL!! haha. alrite. tt was lame. and kinda random. haii. kinda disappointed in myself oso ma. i expected myself to be much more. how do you put it? hmm. nvm. leave it blank. alrite. going off now. tmr still got NAFA test. hopefully i'll pass all my stations la. at least i passed my 2.4km today!! yay.. i tot i'll fail or smth. thank God for Thuraiya.. loves her. <3>

oh ya. btw SORRY TO THOSE TT I VERY KP TO TODAY!! cos really tired den you all keep annoying me. paiiseh..!!! dui bu qi ahh!! super sorry. promise i'll try not to let it happen again. paiisehh

could i stop thinking about IT? haii. i'm so saddddddd. stop myself from thinking bout it!!

btw. kenneth: if you read this. why was the previous post emo la? lame. i could almost swear it wasn't jus a bit err. dunno wat la.. =)

2007-04-01T14:07:00.000+08:00

it's all bloody lame. blahh. but DY! u'll be glad to know tt i've gotten over it alr la. i mean like though i dunno why u'll be glad but oh wells. cos i kinda xiang tong u noe. haha. becos i won't/can't/don't know how to make tings turn out the way they're supposed to. which is wat? i hv no idea. so i decided to get over it la. i mean what's the use of thinking abt it constantly when you know nth? Lol. oh wells dunno whether u believe tt i will/am/already hv gotten over it. i still feel like telling you. cos only u noe abt this whole ting mahh. hahas. =)) thx for it anyway.. hmm. when i go back. i'm gonna let tings go the way they are supposed to. cos i promised myself to give up n i shall. i love thiss.. i'm feeling super glad tt i got over it. otherwise it's hindering me in quite a no. of ways. haha. omgg. <333333>it constantly..

ytd headache was a total disaster. couldn't stop trying to bang my head against smth. i mean it was super pain la. i hv no idea how it came abt in the first place. sheesh. started since tuition.. when i went home. bathe and all. ate dinner den went to slp. slept for 12 hours. whoops. so long. made me feel like a pig. sheesh. LOL. den on fri nite oso slept for like 12 hours + cos mayb too tired/lazy. heh.. so in total i slept for 24 hours in 2 days. wasted like 2 days jus sleeping. bored bored bored. <- random. heh. hmm. i tink i shall go dwn to elias cc n make use of the study rm there la. so quiet so i tink the environment will be pretty conducive. hopefully anyway. err. SS test shld b like tis wk n i totally haven't start revising. i'd better go dwn there n start revising alr...... oh no... i'm so screwed. err. hopefully no other hw alr. argh. tinking abt it has made my headache come back. but slightly only la. unlike ytd. lol.. wonder wat's wrong wit me. blahh. alrite. gonna disappear alr.

sitting here and think and listening to what you indirectly said made me feel that perhaps it was all jus a phase that passed me by- n i'm glad for tt. THANK YOU LOADS FOR WHAT I THOUGHT WAS REAL BUT ENDED UP TO BE NTH BUT A PHASE!! =)) haha. i could jus say i love you for that.. (= <33

i love RANDOMNESS-

2007-03-31T19:17:00.000+08:00

i love randomness alrite. argh. headache's getting the better of me.. ciaox.

I DON'T HATE LIFE, I DON'T LOVE LIFE... I'M JUST LIVING MY LIFE.

2007-03-29T17:37:00.000+08:00

I DON'T HATE LIFE, I DON'T LOVE LIFE... I'M JUST LIVING MY LIFE.

LIVING IN MISERY SOMETIMES..

aiiya.. life's a bore. i keep thinking of it. but i dunno la. wish i would stop thinking about it. haii. only dy would know what i mean don't you? blahh. but u won't b reading this anyway. i feel so lethargic these days. i hv no idea whyy. i really miss the old times. my past and all. haii. but i'll promise myself from this day on i'll only look forward to the future n never keep thinking bout the past continuously. i hope i'll be able to do that. =) haii. i jus wish there'll b someone i can complain to w/o giving me any real advice but jus crap ard wit me and all. but i doubt there's someone to do tt. i mean after all. it's human nature to attempt to jus make a situation better. but we dunno what is the proper method as it differs from everyone. oh wells. will anyone be there to jus do tt wit me or for me? nahh. i doubt it. oh nvm. after all. expecting xXx to read this is as good as expecting me to get an a1 for bio. haii. anyway. i'd really wish you'd climb out of your shell alr. anyway. enough of all that. Os is coming up like real soon yet i'm not prepared. who will really go study? won't talk n jus like keep motivating me to study? if you feel like your the one den tell me alrite? blahh. but who am i kidding. i doubt anyone will reply this. nvm. i wanna jus be some super random person who never fails to just keep smiling and look at everything positively and not get upset over the slightest tings. but i dunno if it'll ever be possible. haii. you keep coming back into my mind. but is it true? i doubt it. eventually i'm gonna give up. n if i wanna give up it'll b soon. i promise myself that. i shan't lie to myself no more. i'd wish you/they would read this. but even if you don't i don't care. i'll keep it to myself all the same. life's a super piece of bore..

todayy had Mission for Life wit a misson grp from Novena church. quite cool la. it was quite fun with all their jokes and all. seriously.the guys made it sound so boring but actually quite fun oso la. only prob was tt their presentation too boring. almost fell asleep many times during the presentation. but apart from tt it's more or less alrite. i'm still trying to figure out how it is related to NE but it's still abt the same la. oh well. at least they taught me to treasure what i have. the people ard me and the little tings tt happen to me. they're all blessings from God and i shld not overlook these little little tings. thx to them for tt. kudoos. at the same time. a lot of ppl lost their stuff. more like kena stolen. a lot of ppl bags were ransacked. my class oso kena ransacked but no one lost anything. but Casslyn lost her ipod and handphone.. sheesh. life's so unpredictable. dy lost $16. compared to Casslyn, it's not much. but still it's annoying. i tink my bag oso kena ransacked but thx to Julz who asked me to bring along my wallet and hp. i din lose anything. thank God for tt too..

alrite. gotta go alr. watch tv. vacuum floor. bore myself to slp. n cont'd thinking about it...would life change? i don't tink so alr. but i'm gonna go tink abt it first. anyway. shld i go back to church or shld i change church or shld i jus leave things the way they are now. i'm so tired of continuously thinking abt my problems relating to church. yet i can't help it. many ppl hv asked me to go to church. be it back or to other ppl's church. yet i dunno what i shld do. where's the life tt i so wanna lead and tt i used to hv it? it's all gone and lost. aii..

gone to see the Sun rise from the West-

random

2007-03-26T20:58:00.000+08:00

oh goodness. i feel super random now. i jus love the feeling of randomness. lol. hmm. well later on parents + sis + ah yi etc all coming back from beijing. hopefully got lotsa presents for me seh!!! ahh. anyway. still haven't done hist hw. oh goodness. tt whole wk while they were having hol. i was kinda hving my own hol. though not s slack la.. hmm. school. and all. but more freedom. =) this is so LOVE. heh. oh wells. mon evening(jus the day they left) i fell sick. aww. only got to stay home one nite. tues din go school cos was in agony. wed not too bad alr but took the opportunity to say tt i dun wanna run 2.4km. oh wells. still hv to fun nxt wk wat. tis wk got the hai experiential wk ting oso. oh wells. hmm. thurs nth much. fri went Godma's hse to stay. aiis. before reaching the lift i slipped n fell. oh gosh. one lady saw me. then kinda chatted wit her. but it was super pain.. eesh. the 3rd time i fell in the same position alr. ouch.. at least now onli blue-black. aiis. i gonna fail bio prac and the test. why am i such a failure in bio? haiis. sat got the dunno wat sing tingy at kallang stadium. supposed to hv gone to celebrate marlene jie2's birthday but who knew. eesh. having school on a sat = NO LIFE. haii. nvm. only one day. reached Godma's hse at nite den a while later it started raining. thank goodness i was alr back. =) the small details in life are jus wonderful. sunday spent the whole day slacking. super bored la. anyway. tmr got grand review gtg study n do hist alr!! die... ciao..

iLoveCharmaine&Julz. =)) huggs.

2007-03-09T23:52:00.000+08:00

i know it's been ages since i last blogged again.. goodness. i always leave my blog to rot.. from now on i hope tt i'll blog like almost every 2 mths at least perhaps.. haha. whatever.. jus feel super annoyed with some person.. i mean like we're gonna have a celebration for a friend. only thing is tt we're gonna do it as a big grp la..so i dun understand whyy u get to call the shots for this event. i mean like what the F is wrong wit you. and what you called me to the side to ask me was utterly disgusting and insulting.. but what the hell la. i have no say over you cos of your rank. big deal for this event can? i dun see the pt or rather u bloodily dun see my pt. you only care abt her. i can't do anything jus cos u're good frens wit her la.. it's nth to do wit me. insulting me like tt jus shows how much you really understand me can.. i jus seriously hated you then.. for one event you're making me upset and super insulted.. i'm only in charge of collecting the money. this has nth to do with me in the first place but i offered to help. was tt wrong? i dunno. perhaps my mistake was ever jus agreeing to help out in the first place..despite the fact that you're currently still high n mighty. pls bear in mind tt unless it's like official ____ stuff. u have no special rights and whatever you say overrules me pls.. it sucks la. and pls do not think tt i'm worried others will blame me for wateva reason cos i'm not. if you think tt the whole ting was abt the blame in the first place. our argument would not even hv taken place.. haii. u jus dun understand my pt do you? you only want me to understand your pt. TODAY. during the celebration itself.. did u do what u were supposed to? apparently not instead u had so much fun sia.. u seiously are shit la. i'm sorry but high time u jus start checking yourself at one pt n not tink u're almost perfect can? thx lots.. in fact u shld jus keep away from me esp for the event on thurs otherwise u can do it on your own..

bored. O's are in a few more mths. so fast. so frightening.. haii.. i dun wanna get worse then Val's marks. sorrz!!. i mean i'm supposed to get higher. haii.. dunno wat to do la. i ougth to jus start all my studying n revision but i;m not. tt's wat worriese me. my eyes can barely open anymroe.. ciaox..

LOVES- huggs Jul..

2006-12-30T12:13:00.000+08:00

it's been a few days or weeks since i last updated. kinda lazy la. hmm. parents and bro went on hol from e 23rd to the 28th of Dec. me n sis went for caroling. stayed at ah ma hse. din really do much oso. jus tt did hw with xiu zhen on one day. den went for a walk ard tm. n stuff liddat lo. boring oso. caroling was quite ok la. with the exception of melody who is like argh. super irritating. wateva. anyway. din really do much despite parents not being in. oh well. HOMEWORK!! i'm so dead. not completed yet. esp ss one. wat m i so gonna do? Bio either. History n Chem shld b able to finish by today. but wat abt the rest. i'm so dead. anyway. wanna find a chi tuition teacher to chiong for the last 6 mths. so tt my results won't b tt horrifying. lol. die la. i'd better start working hard and chiong all the way nxt yr. the moment school reopens i'd better start being very hardworking n dilligent. hopefully i'll do wat i say la. hmm. oh well. gotta go for tuition. siann.

-who knew the pains we had to go thru before achieving what we have today?

2006-12-18T15:22:00.000+08:00

walking away from my weakness
i hope to stumble upon my strengths
the road is dark
the path is narrow

as i plunge further into the darkness
i realise i'm not alone
fear grips my heart

i pray that nothing will happen
all will be okay
that the thing that is with me
will jus go away

suddenly a bright light engulfs me
i'm swallowed.
then i realised
i no longer felt fear
instead i felt love and happiness
surrounding me

but when i look up
i can only make out a shadow
i ask, "God is that You?"
the shadow makes no reply
i feel a hand on my shoulder
guiding me

i follow that hand
and all the way
no words were spoken
jus silent tears flowing like rivers
tears of joy

i no longer know what loneliness means
i only know what how majestic Your love is
even though the path seems to be eternal
i hope to walk with You wherever i may be

be with me always please. guide me along the right path. draw me closer to You whenever i stray.

stumbling. falling. turning. obstacles in my path. no matter what i will keep the knowledge that You'll always be with me

<3>

2006-12-12T13:56:00.000+08:00

back from malacca ytd. it wasn't anything fantastic as in like there wasn't anything really fun to play and stuff la. but got to shop shop shop. the things were nice and cheap. however the quality not so good la. but enjoyed myself thoroughly. went there wit like 2 bags. one small one and the other bigger one for clothes n stuff. but came back with like 4 bags. LOL. haha. but one was but in the bigger bag la. so to be correct is 3 bags? anyway. shall update from marlene jie's wedding.

4 / 12 / 2006

in the morning woke up at ard 10. went to bathe and all to prepare to depart for marlene jie's hse. only to discover that dad wasn't back from his jog. so long.. by the time everything was settled and we could leave, it was alr like 11 plus. aunt linda called and asked us to go down asap. the bride would be leaving soon. but when we reached there we still had to wait very long before the groom came. Clara, Grace and I went to peep at the bride. she was so pretty. whoa.~ eventually when we went into the room we couldn't get out. cos by then the groom was at the door 'bargaining' marlene jie's jie meis were making fun of him outside the room. sounded fun but couldn't see cos we were stuck in the room. apparently they made him drink all sorts of funny things. eventually he came in to get her. sang xiao wei for her. etc. blah blah. den she went to his house for tea ceremony. blah blah blah till about 3p.m. then they proceeded for the tea ceremony. quite fun to watch but was blocked. arghh. anyway den Godma must b quite happy cos she got to receive tea. wee~ haha. den was daddy's turn. n on n on. after the commotion was over, went home. sent aunt nancy's maid home first. den went home. by the time reached home was about 5 plus. went to bathe cos the weather quite hot. watched tv. daddy fell asleep. woke him up after my show at 6.30. he went to take a bath. met mummy and val at the pan pacific straight cos it was nearer for them and after their work. i thought my dress the cutting was nice but so err. quite ugly the patterns. hmm. might regret buying it. never mind. bought it alr. den the dinner and ceremony proceeded like any other wedding would. daddy complained abt sitting at the vip table cos the portions were rationed and he felt like he didn't eat enough. haha. after the whole dinner. the ONG family stayed back to take a photo. ahh. nice. then we left while the kiw family took their family photo. val got a nice shiny flower. she gave me one. yay.! loved it. esp since it's sprinkled with sparkles. nice. got home. bathe. watched the doha asian games den went to sleep.

5 / 12 / 2006

that day daddy's birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO HIM! well. spent the day with him at marina square. there was nth much there. hehe. instead of him enjoying i spent money for him. lol. in the afternoon went there. first went to find my mp3 battery cover. cost $5. a bit waste i think. but i paid for it myself. den walked ard. i went to look at wallets and bought the bad tt yu ning wanted. walked ard and saw some stuff. after some time we decided to walk ard for a little while before heading for the movies. watched deck the halls. jus a comedy. quite nice la. about 3/5 if u ask me. daddy said should have watched another movie instead. oh well. should have watched battle of wits. heh. paiseh la. ended up like i was celebrating my birthday. den after the movie about 4 plus we walked ard a little while more before getting val to meet us at city hall mrt station after her work at abt 6.30. took the shuttle bus from suntec city. so crowded. kena squashed. no space at all. lucky i even got up the bus. whew~. den went to bugis mrt station to meet mummy at ard 7 plus. waited for her quite a while. den saw a few guards on duty. dad, val and I were like saying they slacking and putting on a show only la. i mean after all they on duty can chit chat and stuff meh? finally mummy arrived. went to eat ma la huo guo. the spicy steamboat la. took xiao la. quite nice la. but couldn't exactly finish. so full dunno why la. din really eat much did i? i dun even rmb eating lunch except for nachos in the theatre. back was hurting each time i turned. dunno why. after dinner walked ard bugis junction. went home. wilson was at youth camp! managed to get joelle to replace me. dunno if she went though. so nice and peaceful. ahh~ thank God loads for helping me with the problem though. load off my shoulder.

6 / 12 /2006

that day nth much happened except i had to quickly pack last min stuff into my bag cos dad was working in the morning and he fetched me to Godma's hse. THANKS DAD! if not i'd have to lug the bag all the way there on my own. played with Grace. went to Aunt Nancy's condo. Godma went to JB wit Marlene jie to return the gowns. the condo was infested with millipedes i tell you. oh my goodness la. i was so freaked out. Grace almost cried cos of a beautiful red dragonfly. so pretty. or handsome if guy la. Lol. ehh. den went to ws to return Grace's library books while i reserved 2 books. den went to Macs for lunch. saw yi siew, kevon and some other ppl. after tt went back to Godma's hse.

7 / 12 / 2006

woke up early. changed. daddy came to take a pair of shorts from me. den he fetched me to lavendar at the bus terminal there. met aunt Linda and family there. at about 10.30 boarded the bus and left. reached Malacca terminal at about 3p.m. shopped ard the central for some time. by the time we finished walking ard it was almost 4 plus. den took a cab with Godma and Aunt Linda to the DBS Malacca house. quite run down la the place. but had a not too bad room. at least the toilet was okay. as in the flushing system and stuff works. whew! i hate dirty and disgusting toilets. try to stay away from them as often as i can. unless i'm too urgent or smth. eww man~ so gross. err. by the time we were there. didn't have much to do cos a bit late. and too tired cos of the long bus ride. so rest at the bunk first before going for dinner. had mixed veg rice. yumm. was in the same bunk as Clara and Godma. while Aunt Linda, Uncle Yeow Phong and Eugene shared one room.

8 / 12 / 2006

woke up. wash face blah blah. went for breakfast at some coffee shop. had beehoon i tink. not bad luhh. shared wit Godma den had toast too. headed for makhota shopping centre. apparently another shopping centre opened opposite it. so after walking ard makhota for some time, went to quite a no. of shops but din really buy anything cos nth nice if not too ex. den went to the shopping centre opp it. din really walk ard much cos i stayed at one shop trying clothes. bought a skirt. quite satisfied la. about half an hour to an hour. din buy anything else le. walked ard to see bags. billabong, quiksilver etc. saw mango. but not nice la the clothes. so ugly the colour. wanted to buy smth for mummy but eww.~ plus i dun really know her taste. oh well. den saw watches. Godma wanted to buy one. but not nice if not too kiddy. walked back to the bunk. oh ya. bought like nail stuff wit Clara. had dinner. can't rmb wat le. i tink is packet back. or mayb not. oh ya. is err. hor fun, e mee and fried rice all 6 of us share. quite nice.. cos of the slight rain we weren't allowed to go out. so missed out on the pasar malam. but Uncle Yeow Phong bought some charcoal bbq chicken wings. super yummy la. but so oily. Godma was sick so she went to slp n din get to eat it. yummy.. stayed in their bunk playing gameboy for awhile before going back to bunk to slp.

9 / 12 / 2006

err. went for breakfast at the wanton mee stall. it was good la. i tink dad mite have liked it. that day went to hang tuah. more for guys one la. cos the games are super cheap e.g 3RM for one cd. but it mite not neccessarily work la. but at least it's cheap so if it doesn't work is not too bad. bought one for wilson. ate chicken rice again for dinner. den at night went to the pasar malam. bought a cap for wilson. bought a bag for myself. Aunt Linda kept helping me bargain. lol. fun. saw a cap for myself. din noe if wanted to buy so jus left. after walking the whole stretch den we went back to our bunk to rest.

10 / 12 / 2006

woke up quite early jus to go for breakfast and not to waste time going out. ended up we kids had to stay in our bunks and couldn't go out cos the weather was too hot and Aunt Linda was afraid we would get sick and stuff. so practically spent the whole day in bunk if not playing table tennis wit Eugene while Clara played her gameboy. when they came back. they din really buy much. it was quite run down the place from outside. din really do much. went back to the pasar malam at night to get the hat. but heard it was quite ex and couldnt' really bargain so walked away lor.. sadd. walked further down. saw this wallet which was quite cute. bought it. Clara bought the exact same one except in the opp color. lol. then there was lightning and thunder. the lightning was so beautiful. streaks down. anyway. after buying the wallet more or less walked str down back towards the bunk. but halfway thru. stopped to look at the earrings n stuff. eventually still went back to buy the cap!! yay!! so happy la. that was more or less about it. cos after tt went back to the bunk to pack cos leaving the next day. so fast. time flies by so quickly when you're enjoying i guess. wee~

11 / 12 / 2006

ate breakfast. brought all our bags down. while the adults went to Yong Peng to buy some last min stuff we stayed behind to look after the bags. since Clara was playing gameboy. me and Eugene din have much to do so we went to play table tennis. played for a lil while. den it was my turn to play the gameboy so Clara and Eugene played table tennis. not long later. the adults came back. and it was time to go. Aunt Linda, Godma and I took the cab to the terminal first. Uncle Yeow Phong, Clara and Eugene arrived much later. probably wasn't easy to catch a cab. walked ard the terminal for a short while to wait for our turn to board the bus. finally it was our turn and home sweet home.

how time flies. you can never imagine how much each seconds can mean to anyone. so don't waste any second telling someone how much you hate them. instead make use of those seconds to tell someone else how much you love them.

2006-11-30T13:24:00.000+08:00

i'm jus so frigging pissed but who cares? i mean like for one. youth camp is irritating me. for two *YOU -> *S should jus stop being such a darn suck la huh. i mean sometimes i think that *YOU only care about *YOURSELF you know? whyy? i thought like we were on good terms last time. probably now only *YOUR other friends catch *YOUR attention la. mayb it's like for one we jus don't really share common interests perhaps? i'm jus someone who used to keep you accompany. or actually perhaps not la. i guess it's my turn to jus say i'm disappointed in *YOU la. however, i doubt *YOU will come here in the first place and see this so good for *YOU la. i dunno wat to say.

*S

somehow i dunno wat to say abt YOU. perhaps it was naive thinking that led me to believe that perhaps i was lucky enough to be on good terms wit YOU. but then who was i to be allowed to harbour such wishful thoughts. perhaps i dun like say really enjoy being as outgoing as YOU la? or i jus think tt sometimes YOU saying f*** blah blah is so not like YOU? and that YOU acting guai-er in front of some others is like so fake. no wait. YOU are jus shit la. WTH la you. if you enjoy f-ing so much why dun YOU jus go screw YOURSELF wit something. perhaps after this i'll be so darn n frigging pissed of and MORE DISAPPOINTED in myself than YOU but i guess i jus dun wanna stop lying to myself anymore and say that YOU r jus having one of those tempermental days. if YOU seriously jus wanna ignore me again. n only talk to me when YOU feel like it. den jus go bang YOUR bloody smart brain on the wall. can i jus say that YOU are so selfish? I probably can't cos i'm worse than YOU la. oh well. take good care then. i jus had enough of YOU already.

youthCAMP

okay so i guess it's my fault la now. that all these problems are arising. wat am i going to do? i'm screwed. and so jus frigging irritated and jus enjoy WHINING in someone's terms. perhaps if you dun wan to listen to wat i have to say then you shouldn't have jus asked me to tell you. i'm so dumb to believe that you were actually willing to hear abt all the complaints tt i had. i can't believe how naive i've been all this time. but that's besides the point now. youth camp is like only 4 days from now i presume but since i have marlene jie2's wedding to attend i'll treat is as 5 days from now. apparently i was told tt i could go to malaysia from the 7th to the 11th of Dec. i was so looking forward to that. but ytd night while i was packing my table and before val went to slp. she told me that, "if you don't go for camp now you still have to pay $80." i'm like wat the hell?! i'm so dead la. haii. den i quickly sms-ed shann. asked her whether it was true she was like ya. "cos everything settled alr" i was like for a moment frozen on where i was seated. i was so lost. die. but is like i dunno how la. i told shann that i would try to find someone to replace me and tell her by today. seriously i don't have any confidence that there'll be any difference. whyy am i so unlucky these few days? i jus suck la. den is like i called so many ppl up but i dun think there was any use. i really feel very screwed up now. life's a mess. on huge horrible pile of shit and mess. it jus sucks la. i mean like all the while i din wanna go for this camp. but as i said in my previous post. val and ying registered for me. now i ask val like how. and she went like " you don't come and bug me with your problems" when i called her during her lunch hour jus now she said " if you called me jus to scold and complain about your problems, you can....." i din hear the last part was so fed up i hung up. i'm so sick and tired or this bloody camp la. i really din wanna go. why did all of you have to force me? i didn't willingly say i wanna go. if you lack the numbers you still can't or don't have the right to force ppl okay. shit you la. u think forcing is the way to go ard. u're so wrong. one day u'll see that. but now wat the hell am i going to do? i can only like try to find ppl to replace me or smth. Charmaine can't go apparently cos she going on hol on the 10th so not enough clothes and stuff liddat la. so den Felicia got her church stuff. Bel cnnt go etc. i'm like so dead now. u tell me la. now i counting on XZ. but i doubt there'll be any difference. i'm screwed. someone jus take a pistol and shoot me in my bloody head. i'm wanna jus say that i shouldn't be having to handle the whole bloody problem on my own cos i wasn't the one who registered myself yet is like i'm supposed to COS I CAN'T TAKE THE BLOODY F-ING REGISTRATION PAPER OUT OF THE BOX. AND WHO'S FAULT IS IT? NO ONE COS SOME PPL JUST HAD TO KAY-POH AND FILL IN THE FORM FOR ME AND ALSO PROVIDE MY INFORMATION. WHY DON'T U ALL JUS STAY AWAY FROM ME LA. I THIINK I PREFER MY OWN QUIET ENVIRONMENT ON MY OWN.

who can save me now? i dun wanna go for camp!

bloody shit mess i'm in now.

who's gonna b helping me? i'm so tired of thinking of all these bloody problems when i wasn't the one who directly caused them. sorry for the trouble but i think perhaps we should all reflect.

2006-11-27T00:07:00.000+08:00

i'm so tired. i was tinking. mayb it's me. no wait. definitely me. it jus sucks la.

FITTING IN

fitting into clothes is difficult sometimes when you jus don't have it your size. the same goes for other stuff i guess. if you jus dunno where you stand perhaps it's jus like i'll never be able to fit in anywhere. i've finally understood that the problem doesn't lie in anyone else but in me. how pathetic can i get la. i'm hopeless. retarded. shit myself la. i can so go screw myself. so shit. mayb it's like wat i tink is diff from how i act i guess. jus tt u see when i criticise u* i jus like start to think and recently, i've come to this conclusion that it's not u* who is jus being so fake. perhaps it's me. cos u*'re the same everywhere u* go. only thing is tt i jus can't stand how u* "suck up" to ppl indirectly. or mayb it's jus how i can't so i'm jealous or smth liddat la. who cares anyway. i'm jus too tired to do anything rite now.

in school it's like i can jus b such an ass. irritant and like be so frank etc. but when i go to church i like act super guai. irritating. bugger sister. (<- suck la).i mean the whole part la. is it me jus being fake or shld i jus b how i am in sch everywhere i go? when i go out wit frens i tink i'm someone else again. jus who am i? sheesh. is this wat they call an identity crisis.? argh. mayb not. i feel so shit. but who cares again anyway. ppl care about themselves n their peers. but i jus dun feel part of the peers part. i jus feel so like happy feet in the beginning when he was so discriminated cos he didn't have a heart song. and had to stay on one pathetic iceberg all alone while everyone was having fun on another island. it jus sucks. the feeling. when can i find myself again. i wanna be myself but yet feel more comfortable and not so shit u noe. shit everything la.~ buggerS.

youthCAMP

i dun wanna go for youth camp. i was so bent on not going for camp this year. cos i jus don't quite like it la. i mean wat's the point of going if you jus noe you'll be alone. and like bloody pathetic tt kinda ting. esp since i jus dun particularly say enjoy doing all those activities. i so hope that charmaine can pei me. GO CHARMAINE!! i'm insane now. haii. ying took the form and filled it in for me. don't blame her la. but shit val. <-YOU gave ying all my particulars. so i'm like registered. i hate being forced to do wat i don't want okay. shit you(not val, not ying either) la. i jus tink tt u so friggin sickening la. why do u tink u're so hilarious? so like wat the hell. sorry tt i'm not like my sister apparently but sometimes if you wan me to be like her then WTH. u can go bang ur head on the wall. i'm so sick and tired of ppl comparing me and her la. probably she feels the same way? who knows? so go screw urself la. but apparently daddy is 'forcing' me to go too. i mean like i'm no longer some bloody 10 year old anymore? i can make my own decisions without killing myself you know? i know wat is rite and wat is wrong. so can't i jus choose to do smth tt i wan.? STOP FORCING PPL TO DO WAT THEY DON'T WANNA DO. tt statement is for anyone in general. i dun care if like i get negative comments abt this pathetic post. but still. if u're not happy jus leave la huh.

WTH.

conclusion?

i guess tt perhaps it's jus time for me to shut up la. i tink tt being who i wan to be and all jus irritates me. i figure tt if one day i can jus stop being myself. i would jus do something crazy. like probably do bungee jumping on some high bridge. but i doubt i'll ever be tt insane. anyway. sharon's coming back soon. WELCOME BACK SHARON!! if you ever see this in the first place. haii. sorry to certain ppl for offending you la. i'm jus so tired of following "change is the only thing constant" and like trying to keep up wit times. "updating myself" if u ever understand wat friggin ting i'm saying in the first place. but i can only describe myself in this phrase. TIRED IRRITATING JEALOUS soul. and probably lots more. haii.

all i want is to know that things will be as they were before. i miss the past. detest the present. never looking forth to the future.

where's my opportunity? treasure it when it comes by.

2006-11-25T12:04:00.000+08:00

birthday was boring. super boring. woke up at like who knows wat time. called wendy. went to GV Tamp to watch movie. watch material girls. such a stupid show la. waste of time and money. is like quite shit.. argh. wanted to leave halfway but i'm not some rich kid so didn't cos din wanna waste money. blech. oh wells. siann. after the movie. walked ard a bit. den stood outside this shop under the mrt and chat for about 15 mins i tink then we went home cos nth else to do. NO! wait. she bought me a cake. yay. haha. cut it in half and shared. THEN went home. LOL. so swt. den went to ah ma's hse for dinner and went home. daddy bought me another cake. yumm. so nice to eat. not a very wonderful one i guess. but at least it was better den doing nothing at home! but i spent my own money! sad la.now i no money alr. broke.

anyway. this is dedicated to someone.

if you think you're like so darn great den fine la. wth. who cares. u always think u're right and others is wrong. probably so. this is so not the first time i said it. but u nv believed and always think tt i'm lying to jus like make myself feel better. if you tink that way then go ahead. who cares. wat the hell. i'm always jus so useless compared to you rite? wateva. is like so wat if you're better den me in some ways. so more smarter in ways not exactly in studies. but sometimes i wonder if you're jus being fake in front of everyone den when u're behind closed doors you're jus so different. screw yourself la. is like sometimes i even look up to you and sometimes wish i were a little like you but end up i think perhaps not. i can't say that i'll feel this way forever but i noe most of the time i do. i can say that mayb sometimes i'll regret writing this but sometimes i wish i would have written much nastier things. i wish that sometimes i could jus learn to do THIS (not meaning writing this but smth else) but i jus think i would rather stick to being myself la. mayb it's not the best way to do things but at least i feel more comfortable being myself rather den to jus become a different person in front of different ppl. perhaps we don't share the same sentiments. but anyhow. i still think that u and i both need to jus fix that lose screw in our heads somehow. u jus need to stop thinking that everyone's blaming you for everything so u use it as an excuse to blame others. and i jus need to stop being so irritating and jus start understanding the situation ard me. perhaps this is the case but i can't realy say u have to do it rite? haii. i dunno you la. but i certainly need to start doing smth. esp changing my perspective on many things such as you for one.

this all sucks.

2006-11-17T00:28:00.000+08:00

5 more days!

yay. err. okayy. so like today din do much. woke up early at 8 *considered early considering the fact that it's a holiday and i usually wake up ard like 10 or so? Lol. err. rushed down to coral primary to attend my cousin's prize-giving ceremony. so pathetic. they started late. the GOH had to leave early. the performance was so long. siann la.

but aunt Nancy said, " after the whole thing, bring Timothy to ws to eat lunch den bring him home"

i was like okayy. so i waited. she left ard 9.30? yeahh. den i waited till ard 11 plus. den he took his time. slowly talk to his frens. i waited at the sch gate. den at the bus stop he borrowed my fone called his fren den sat down at the bus stop discussing his nxt destination with another friend. i sat down too. waited patiently while he discussed............ then he finally finished. he asked me to wait for him at the bus stop cos i din intend to follow him ard anymore. it was so irritating alr. den he disappeared. where to? i had no idea la. apparently he went back into sch. after prob 10 mins or so of waiting for him like a dumb dumb at the bus stop, he finally reappeared. with 2 girls. okayy. hmm. so he came out he din like apologise or anything. HELLO?! I'M SO NOT YOUR MAID. I'M NOT PAID TO WAIT FOR YOU?! but i alr promised my aunt so okayy la. but is like pls la? he not onli tt. he walked on wit his fren and jus said to me. "okayy. let's go." and walked away. didn't he notice how pissed i was. is like WTH sia. stupid fella. still so rude.

walked to ws. he kept irritating me. jus giv me his money and go home la. i'm like den i waited for you so long for wat? den i kept asking him to shut up. though i noe i wasn't entitled to la. but he got on my nerves alr. and is like all the way to ws he wouldn't shut up. so i went on to bring him in. he ask where i wanna eat. i jus said up to him. so is like he said macs so i went along. he den went to sit with his schoolmates. i dun tink he even noes them. but he jus arghhh.. so after that he placed his bag on the floor and went down to buy his stuff after i gave him his money. he took so long to come back. he only bought an iced milo. mayb the queue long? but i doubt it. then when came back i din wanna sit wit him at the table so i said go to ntuc to buy my food. so i asked him to follow me. den he insisted on leaving so i said okay. bye. den left him.. idiot. i had to wait for Daddy. so loitered ard ws for like half an hour or so? i saw him again halfway. doing the same thing. wandering in and out of shops. so i went to approach him. he din hv a way to contact his fren. figured he needed the phone. so i went into the shop. i tapped him on the shoulder. he was like oh hello. den he said can i borrow ur fone? BINGO! well wat do you know. after he made his call. i asked him to go to the food court wit me cos i wanted to get a drink. he went lo.. he finally decided to eat so he was like ask me to take care of his bag. i waited till he came back den went to buy my drink. but by then jus nice Daddy sms me say meet him. so i left him there by himself to eat his lunch. but HEY! i offered my phone to him again jus in case first okayy. but he rejected the offer so okay lo. i left and that's THE END!

argh. such an irritating morning cos of him.

then afternoon went for tuition first lesson. so funny the guy. as in he is funny not cos of wat jokes n stuff but the ben ren jiu hao xiao le. lol. the moment we- michelle woo, charmaine, ezabel and i saw him, we all laugh like siao la. so funny. haii. anyway nxt lesson on Fri at 4 p.m better not forget.. hopefully he won't waste my money la... *fingers crossed*

-would it hurt for you to say your sorry? i wanna noe how you feel. jus you.说一声对不起很难吗？

2006-11-14T21:37:00.000+08:00

after like so many days. i tink i totally giv up blogging le la. i mean it's so sian la. err. dunno why either. but anyways, today went to VCH for choral exchange apparantly. totally boring. but gotta admit. commonwealth sec, tkss, catholic high, vs all the choir quite nice sehh. err. well tt's besides the point. is like waste of time but for the sake of points i shall stay!!! jia you man!! super boring...

ehh. happy birthday in advance to me. i'm waiting for it to come. let me think 8 more days.

8

heh. count down... i wanna go either sakae or pizzahut. see if like i get the money to do so.. ahh. waiting..

veRa-

cross out all the differences and it's a match-

2006-11-08T17:15:00.000+08:00

sian. so bored these few days. i lost my voice again for the 2nd time in two years. lol. not bad la. hmm. anyway. cos of this i didn't go for bridging for today and yesterday. skipped bio and last day of emaths (= overjoyed. i think that bio is seriously sucky. horrendous. murderous. wateva la. i have almost never passed my bio based on my papers. how suck is that? haii. screw bio.

anyways. ytd. when i went to see the doc i couldn't ans her. she laughed la. so horrible. but before that had to register at the counter. den after that is like i had couldn't ans the receptionist as usual so when she waited for an ans. i was laughing to myself. kinda anyway cos she din noe i couldn't talk. funny. after tt went to buy bread at elias mall de begawan solo. so i was "talking" to my brother den at the counter summore. the lady saw tt i couldn't talk she laugh oso la. horrible. what is this world coming too? my goodness.

asked my dad to get an mc for me to not go school today cos i still practically couldn't talk. din really wanna go for e math anyway. i forgot tt today got sch. so when the doc ask me whether need to cover for today i said nvm. shit man. lucky my dad took for me. in the end i still went to school for prefects meeting. though it was kinda unnecessary i tink. if my dad was home he would hv killed me. haha. cos i made him get it "for nothing". so i won't tell him. which reminds me that i hafta go n prepare the camp kit list. during the meeing couldn't really talk. had to whisper. pathetic me. although to me it kinda seems fun.

had the sore throat for almost a week. so finally lost my voice like 2-3 days ago. whoopie. was waiting for it. quite fun. haha. though a bit sian cos cnnt join in conversations. at least ppl will enjoy the silence or irritance for a few days cos i talk got the weird low voice now.

poor sis has O lvls so i kinda am irritating her indirectly now. although i kinda enjoy it but it's a crucial year so shan't be so evil to her la. i'm nice for goodness sake. lol. nahh.

changed my phone!! finally after 4 years. changed to Nokia 6280 on sat. WEEEEE~~~i noe a lot of ppl got that phone la but then can change my phone is good already. i like it too. haha. now i can wait till my sis and bro change their phones then we can play play play!!! wee~ mom asked me to get orange but decided to take black. xiu zhen got the orange one. din really like it. not my type la. i almost didn't get that phone la. almost had to get some ugly motorola phone that had almost no functions except the normal. siann. but made a deal wit her that i'll pay half or the price. oh yeah. signed a new plan too!! so is like every month got abt 1000 free sms. good for me la. but if i exceed the amt every month hafta fork out the money by myself or she might do something to my phone like kidnap it or something. won't want that to happen. never never. lazy to upload songs into my phone too. i still got my mp3 anyway.

so many people have finished some homework at least and yet i still haven't exactly started any of my homework so shit. i'd better start soon cos is like holidays are quite short only okayy. and hafta hand in english compo on the 17 of nov i think. 9 more days only!! ahh!!!!!

i'm gonna count down to my birthday. hehe. err let's see. 14 MORE DAYS!!

have you thought about how it feels?

<3>

2006-10-31T18:31:00.000+08:00

okayy..yepp. hmm. well. i jus decided to start blogging again. though it's not exactly say the perfect timing cos nxt yr's 'O's so there's bound to b lotsa preparation i presume? busy busy busy. sian..

i guess i could say tt life's like changed much since i last posted a post. many many things gg on n so on n so forth. not that i'm exactly complaining. well. the holidays are here so i can't complain much despite the 3 weeks of bridging. HELLO? it means there's like onli 5 weeks of hols.. haha. but can't complain much because as again nxt yr not much time for prep and revision. is rush rush rush. time passes so quickly.

seen so many ppl rushing to do holiday hw. i'm shocked and i'm starting to feel panicky. AHH! reality sinks in.

anyway gotta go for tuition. LAST DAY!! (for tt particular tuition anyway) gonna change to one near my hse. hopefully i'll improve. jia you jia you jia you!!!

just sinking further-

<3>