That night, was lonely.

My Story

30 November 2006

i'm jus so frigging pissed but who cares? i mean like for one. youth camp is irritating me. for two *YOU -> *S should jus stop being such a darn suck la huh. i mean sometimes i think that *YOU only care about *YOURSELF you know? whyy? i thought like we were on good terms last time. probably now only *YOUR other friends catch *YOUR attention la. mayb it's like for one we jus don't really share common interests perhaps? i'm jus someone who used to keep you accompany. or actually perhaps not la. i guess it's my turn to jus say i'm disappointed in *YOU la. however, i doubt *YOU will come here in the first place and see this so good for *YOU la. i dunno wat to say.

*S

somehow i dunno wat to say abt YOU. perhaps it was naive thinking that led me to believe that perhaps i was lucky enough to be on good terms wit YOU. but then who was i to be allowed to harbour such wishful thoughts. perhaps i dun like say really enjoy being as outgoing as YOU la? or i jus think tt sometimes YOU saying f*** blah blah is so not like YOU? and that YOU acting guai-er in front of some others is like so fake. no wait. YOU are jus shit la. WTH la you. if you enjoy f-ing so much why dun YOU jus go screw YOURSELF wit something. perhaps after this i'll be so darn n frigging pissed of and MORE DISAPPOINTED in myself than YOU but i guess i jus dun wanna stop lying to myself anymore and say that YOU r jus having one of those tempermental days. if YOU seriously jus wanna ignore me again. n only talk to me when YOU feel like it. den jus go bang YOUR bloody smart brain on the wall. can i jus say that YOU are so selfish? I probably can't cos i'm worse than YOU la. oh well. take good care then. i jus had enough of YOU already.

youthCAMP

okay so i guess it's my fault la now. that all these problems are arising. wat am i going to do? i'm screwed. and so jus frigging irritated and jus enjoy WHINING in someone's terms. perhaps if you dun wan to listen to wat i have to say then you shouldn't have jus asked me to tell you. i'm so dumb to believe that you were actually willing to hear abt all the complaints tt i had. i can't believe how naive i've been all this time. but that's besides the point now. youth camp is like only 4 days from now i presume but since i have marlene jie2's wedding to attend i'll treat is as 5 days from now. apparently i was told tt i could go to malaysia from the 7th to the 11th of Dec. i was so looking forward to that. but ytd night while i was packing my table and before val went to slp. she told me that, "if you don't go for camp now you still have to pay $80." i'm like wat the hell?! i'm so dead la. haii. den i quickly sms-ed shann. asked her whether it was true she was like ya. "cos everything settled alr" i was like for a moment frozen on where i was seated. i was so lost. die. but is like i dunno how la. i told shann that i would try to find someone to replace me and tell her by today. seriously i don't have any confidence that there'll be any difference. whyy am i so unlucky these few days? i jus suck la. den is like i called so many ppl up but i dun think there was any use. i really feel very screwed up now. life's a mess. on huge horrible pile of shit and mess. it jus sucks la. i mean like all the while i din wanna go for this camp. but as i said in my previous post. val and ying registered for me. now i ask val like how. and she went like " you don't come and bug me with your problems" when i called her during her lunch hour jus now she said " if you called me jus to scold and complain about your problems, you can....." i din hear the last part was so fed up i hung up. i'm so sick and tired or this bloody camp la. i really din wanna go. why did all of you have to force me? i didn't willingly say i wanna go. if you lack the numbers you still can't or don't have the right to force ppl okay. shit you la. u think forcing is the way to go ard. u're so wrong. one day u'll see that. but now wat the hell am i going to do? i can only like try to find ppl to replace me or smth. Charmaine can't go apparently cos she going on hol on the 10th so not enough clothes and stuff liddat la. so den Felicia got her church stuff. Bel cnnt go etc. i'm like so dead now. u tell me la. now i counting on XZ. but i doubt there'll be any difference. i'm screwed. someone jus take a pistol and shoot me in my bloody head. i'm wanna jus say that i shouldn't be having to handle the whole bloody problem on my own cos i wasn't the one who registered myself yet is like i'm supposed to COS I CAN'T TAKE THE BLOODY F-ING REGISTRATION PAPER OUT OF THE BOX. AND WHO'S FAULT IS IT? NO ONE COS SOME PPL JUST HAD TO KAY-POH AND FILL IN THE FORM FOR ME AND ALSO PROVIDE MY INFORMATION. WHY DON'T U ALL JUS STAY AWAY FROM ME LA. I THIINK I PREFER MY OWN QUIET ENVIRONMENT ON MY OWN.

who can save me now? i dun wanna go for camp!

bloody shit mess i'm in now.

who's gonna b helping me? i'm so tired of thinking of all these bloody problems when i wasn't the one who directly caused them. sorry for the trouble but i think perhaps we should all reflect.

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