That night, was lonely.

My Story

27 November 2006

i'm so tired. i was tinking. mayb it's me. no wait. definitely me. it jus sucks la.

FITTING IN

fitting into clothes is difficult sometimes when you jus don't have it your size. the same goes for other stuff i guess. if you jus dunno where you stand perhaps it's jus like i'll never be able to fit in anywhere. i've finally understood that the problem doesn't lie in anyone else but in me. how pathetic can i get la. i'm hopeless. retarded. shit myself la. i can so go screw myself. so shit. mayb it's like wat i tink is diff from how i act i guess. jus tt u see when i criticise u* i jus like start to think and recently, i've come to this conclusion that it's not u* who is jus being so fake. perhaps it's me. cos u*'re the same everywhere u* go. only thing is tt i jus can't stand how u* "suck up" to ppl indirectly. or mayb it's jus how i can't so i'm jealous or smth liddat la. who cares anyway. i'm jus too tired to do anything rite now.

in school it's like i can jus b such an ass. irritant and like be so frank etc. but when i go to church i like act super guai. irritating. bugger sister. (<- suck la).i mean the whole part la. is it me jus being fake or shld i jus b how i am in sch everywhere i go? when i go out wit frens i tink i'm someone else again. jus who am i? sheesh. is this wat they call an identity crisis.? argh. mayb not. i feel so shit. but who cares again anyway. ppl care about themselves n their peers. but i jus dun feel part of the peers part. i jus feel so like happy feet in the beginning when he was so discriminated cos he didn't have a heart song. and had to stay on one pathetic iceberg all alone while everyone was having fun on another island. it jus sucks. the feeling. when can i find myself again. i wanna be myself but yet feel more comfortable and not so shit u noe. shit everything la.~ buggerS.

youthCAMP

i dun wanna go for youth camp. i was so bent on not going for camp this year. cos i jus don't quite like it la. i mean wat's the point of going if you jus noe you'll be alone. and like bloody pathetic tt kinda ting. esp since i jus dun particularly say enjoy doing all those activities. i so hope that charmaine can pei me. GO CHARMAINE!! i'm insane now. haii. ying took the form and filled it in for me. don't blame her la. but shit val. <-YOU gave ying all my particulars. so i'm like registered. i hate being forced to do wat i don't want okay. shit you(not val, not ying either) la. i jus tink tt u so friggin sickening la. why do u tink u're so hilarious? so like wat the hell. sorry tt i'm not like my sister apparently but sometimes if you wan me to be like her then WTH. u can go bang ur head on the wall. i'm so sick and tired of ppl comparing me and her la. probably she feels the same way? who knows? so go screw urself la. but apparently daddy is 'forcing' me to go too. i mean like i'm no longer some bloody 10 year old anymore? i can make my own decisions without killing myself you know? i know wat is rite and wat is wrong. so can't i jus choose to do smth tt i wan.? STOP FORCING PPL TO DO WAT THEY DON'T WANNA DO. tt statement is for anyone in general. i dun care if like i get negative comments abt this pathetic post. but still. if u're not happy jus leave la huh.

WTH.

conclusion?

i guess tt perhaps it's jus time for me to shut up la. i tink tt being who i wan to be and all jus irritates me. i figure tt if one day i can jus stop being myself. i would jus do something crazy. like probably do bungee jumping on some high bridge. but i doubt i'll ever be tt insane. anyway. sharon's coming back soon. WELCOME BACK SHARON!! if you ever see this in the first place. haii. sorry to certain ppl for offending you la. i'm jus so tired of following "change is the only thing constant" and like trying to keep up wit times. "updating myself" if u ever understand wat friggin ting i'm saying in the first place. but i can only describe myself in this phrase. TIRED IRRITATING JEALOUS soul. and probably lots more. haii.

all i want is to know that things will be as they were before. i miss the past. detest the present. never looking forth to the future.

where's my opportunity? treasure it when it comes by.

-00:07-